Use Time Out Effectively

Sometimes moms say, “I’ve tried time out and it doesn’t work.” Other times they say, “I can’t get my child to stay in time out.” Or, I hear, “My child doesn’t care if he goes to time out, he just repeats the behavior anyway.” If these statements sound familiar to you, don’t worry. You are not alone. However, if time out hasn’t worked for you, there is a good chance you aren’t using it correctly. Here is a list of the steps for an effective time out. Do not skip any of them. 1) When a child misbehaves, give him one verbal warning. Calmly, yet clearly and firmly, let him know that repeating the behavior will lead to a time out. 2) If the behavior is repeated, tell the child he needs a time out. Guide him by the hand to the time out spot (make it somewhere he can hear you but not see you, and do not use his bedroom). 3) Place the child on the time out spot, and calmly, yet firmly, tell the child why he is in time out. Tell him how long he will be there (one minute for every year of age), then walk away. Do not get drawn into a conversation. Simply state the facts and leave. Don’t forget to set a timer! 4) If the child is crying or talking, tell him his time will begin as soon as he is quiet. 5) If the child gets out of the time out chair before his time is up, take him back without saying anything or giving a reaction. Simply take him back and set him on the chair. If you must say something, keep it to, “You can’t get up until your time is done.” You may have to repeat this over and over until your child finally takes you seriously and stays put. If he knows you will eventually give in, he will never stay and this will not be an effective strategy. When used consistently, it works extremely well. Consistency, however, is the key. Do not give up! 6) Once the time is up, the parent who put the child in time out should go to the child and calmly ask him why he is in time out. If he doesn’t remember, it is okay to remind him. Ask him how he can handle things better next time, then have him say he is sorry. Then give him a hug. 7) Once time out is over, do NOT bring it up again. If you need to tell your spouse about it, do it after the child has gone to bed for the night. He has “done his time” – show him how to forgive and forget. 8) Do not feel like a bad parent for putting your child in time out repeatedly. Many kids will go through phases when they are in time out ten or more times a day. Remember that you are investing in the future of your child and your entire family by taking the time and effort to establish a system of discipline now. Do not give up! Before long, time outs will be a rare occurrence in your home. Remind yourself to stay calm so you can have smarter conversations with your child and do a better job of teaching. Get more details on using time out effectively through a Smarter Parenting tele-class. Sign up at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com.

Discipline vs Punishment – What’s the Difference?

There is a distinct difference between discipline and punishment, and parents need to recognize this truth. When correcting our children, we want to discipline because our ultimate goal is to teach. Punishment says, “You are bad and I want you to suffer for it.” Discipline says, “I want you to learn how to do this better next time.” That doesn’t mean discipline is easy on the kids, because it often isn’t. Hebrews 12:11 says “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Discipline trains the child and helps him understand how to improve. The conversation focuses on your child. When you punish, your displeasure becomes the focus and the child may not understand that he has a role in the situation, or the power to change his behavior. Always educate. Kids who learn how to behave spend less time pushing your buttons and more time having fun, so you have less parenting stress. To learn more about effective discipline and teaching your child to be responsible for his behavior, join a Smarter Parenting tele-class. Go to www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com and click on Parent Coaching for detail and registration.

Pray Every Day

Do you ever feel alone in your parenting? Ever experience confusion or anxiety about the decisions you make for your children? Most parents do. In these times, it is important to remember that we are not alone. Just as you are there to support, encourage, and help your child, God is there for you. You are His child and He wants to help you in all things, including your parenting. Don’t try to do it alone. God wants to be a part of your life, your family, and your parenting, so let Him. We let God help us by praying every day. This regular conversation allows you to build a relationship with God, and the closer you are, the more easily you will hear His direction, guidance, and blessings. Pray daily for yourself, your spouse, and your children.Thank Him for the good things happening in your family and ask for help with your struggles. Ask Him to help you be the parent He wants you to be. When you feel connected to God and can hear His direction and receive His guidance, you will be better able to make smart parenting choices. Want more on the power of prayer and how to let God guide your family? Register for a Smarter Parenting tele-class. For more details, go to www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com and click on Parent Coaching.

Easter Fun

Easter is my very favorite holiday. It is the day we set aside to formally recognize the amazing sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf when He died on the cross. Pagan traditions associating spring time with birth and renewal brought us the bunnies and chicks, but we can use those images to redirect our attention back to Jesus.

1. Make a connection.

Talk to your kids about the forms of rebirth we can see, such as flowers reappearing after their long winter's sleep. Jesus also reappeared after three days in the tomb, and He came back with the message that we will be with Him again. Go on a walk around your neighborhood to look for emerging flowers and talk about how they "come back to life" and how that reminds us of the resurrection of Jesus.

2. Act it out.

Read Luke 24 with your family. You can paraphrase for young children. Talk about Jesus' return, including how the women went to the tomb and found it open, and their response. Work together as a family to make a skit showing the return of Jesus and how people responded (the women falling at His feet, the disciples not recognizing Him, etc.). Keep it fun and light. Focus on the events after the resurrection, not the Crucifixion itself, particularly with very young kids.

3. Bake it up.

Google a recipe for Resurrection Cookies and make a batch with your kids. These fun meringues are hollow inside, representing the empty tomb.

4. Open eggs.

Get a set of Resurrection Eggs (available at WalMart) to help your kids understand the events of Good Friday and Easter. Each egg contains an object to help kids remember what happened. The included book walks you through the Easter story.

5. Build a veiled cross.

Use craft sticks, clay, pipe cleaners, or any material you have on hand to construct a cross. Tear a thin sheet of fabric and talk about how the veil at the temple was torn, indicating our new ability to interact directly with God. Wrap the veil around the cross and use it to decorate your festivities.

6. Learn about lambs.

Go to a petting zoo and talk about lambs. Jesus is called "the Lamb," but this may not mean much to kids who don't know about the animals. Observe the creatures, pet them if possible, and talk to your kids about why Jesus might be called "the Lamb."

What other fun things can you do to help your children understand Easter?

Happy Easter!