Use Time Out Effectively

Sometimes moms say, “I’ve tried time out and it doesn’t work.” Other times they say, “I can’t get my child to stay in time out.” Or, I hear, “My child doesn’t care if he goes to time out, he just repeats the behavior anyway.” If these statements sound familiar to you, don’t worry. You are not alone. However, if time out hasn’t worked for you, there is a good chance you aren’t using it correctly. Here is a list of the steps for an effective time out. Do not skip any of them. 1) When a child misbehaves, give him one verbal warning. Calmly, yet clearly and firmly, let him know that repeating the behavior will lead to a time out. 2) If the behavior is repeated, tell the child he needs a time out. Guide him by the hand to the time out spot (make it somewhere he can hear you but not see you, and do not use his bedroom). 3) Place the child on the time out spot, and calmly, yet firmly, tell the child why he is in time out. Tell him how long he will be there (one minute for every year of age), then walk away. Do not get drawn into a conversation. Simply state the facts and leave. Don’t forget to set a timer! 4) If the child is crying or talking, tell him his time will begin as soon as he is quiet. 5) If the child gets out of the time out chair before his time is up, take him back without saying anything or giving a reaction. Simply take him back and set him on the chair. If you must say something, keep it to, “You can’t get up until your time is done.” You may have to repeat this over and over until your child finally takes you seriously and stays put. If he knows you will eventually give in, he will never stay and this will not be an effective strategy. When used consistently, it works extremely well. Consistency, however, is the key. Do not give up! 6) Once the time is up, the parent who put the child in time out should go to the child and calmly ask him why he is in time out. If he doesn’t remember, it is okay to remind him. Ask him how he can handle things better next time, then have him say he is sorry. Then give him a hug. 7) Once time out is over, do NOT bring it up again. If you need to tell your spouse about it, do it after the child has gone to bed for the night. He has “done his time” – show him how to forgive and forget. 8) Do not feel like a bad parent for putting your child in time out repeatedly. Many kids will go through phases when they are in time out ten or more times a day. Remember that you are investing in the future of your child and your entire family by taking the time and effort to establish a system of discipline now. Do not give up! Before long, time outs will be a rare occurrence in your home. Remind yourself to stay calm so you can have smarter conversations with your child and do a better job of teaching. Get more details on using time out effectively through a Smarter Parenting tele-class. Sign up at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com.