What To Do With All That Cash

Did your kids receive gifts of cash for Christmas? If they haven’t already spent it, they may be trying to figure out how to extinguish that fire burning in their pockets.

Kids love the freedom, independence, and power that comes from spending their own money on items they’ve hand selected. These experiences are great, teaching kids to make decisions, manage money, and live with the joys or consequences of their choices.

However, before heading to the store, have a conversation with your child about his thoughts on where the money should go. I recommend giving kids three separate piggy banks: a spending bank, a savings bank, and an offering bank. Allowance money should typically be divided between the three banks (I let the child decide how to split the amount between the banks, but that is a topic for another post). You and your child can decide if gift money, or other special occasion money, also needs to be divided or if it can just be spent on something fun.

Discuss what type of purchase your child has in mind. If she has been saving for a particular toy, her Christmas money might allow her to make that purchase. Perhaps she received a large sum, but just wants a few inexpensive things, like a Littlest PetShop figure or a Zooble. In that case, talk to her about taking a little money to the store and saving the rest for the next time she’d like a new toy. If your child has no idea what she wants, ask if she would like to start by looking at toys, clothes, books, etc. so you have an idea of where to start shopping and she can start making a mental plan. Wandering around Target looking for something to buy is not usually the best plan. When kids do this, they tend to make impulse purchases they later regret. I am in favor of doing this with a little bit of money because it teaches kids to be more thoughtful in their purchases, but protect them from the huge disappointment of wasting ALL of their gift money on an unwise choice.

Also, let your kids know that you always have the final say on a purchase. It does not matter that it is the child’s money, as the parent you do not have to let inappropriate clothes, music, video games, toys, or anything else into your house. Don’t censor a child’s purchase because you think it is silly or unrealistic (although you should gently ask questions about such items to help your child evaluate the true value of the item), but do stand by your morals and let your kids know when items cross the line.

By taking the time to discuss your child’s shopping goals before heading to the store, you are likely to have more fun and your child will have a better money management experience.

For a Quick and East Dinner, Try Happy Hats

You may remember eating Straw Hats as a kid. When I was growing up they were one of my favorite hot lunch entrees at school. I still love them, and so do my kids. You basically make sloppy joe meat, serve it on top of tortilla chips, and top it with shredded cheddar cheese.

However, I found an easy variation on this that my family also loves. My youngest daughter named it Happy Hats, because it is like Straw Hats but it makes her even happier.

Brown one pound of ground beef.

Add one large 28oz can of baked beans (I like Bush's Homestyle beans, but any kind will do) and one 15 1/4 oz can of whole kernel corn to the beef. Simmer until everything is hot and well-mixed.

Serve over Fritos (the Fritos Scoops work really well) and top with finely shredded cheddar cheese.

Enjoy, and have a great weekend!

Ask a Question - Get Entered to Win a FREE Book!

What are the biggest parenting issues you face right now? What are questions you really want answered? What information would make mothering easier for you?

Ask as many questions as you want by posting here. One name will be chosen at random from those posts to win a free copy of my book, Mothering Like The Father: Following God's Example in Parenting Young Children. Keep it for yourself or gift it to another mom. The drawing will be held on November 16, 2012.

Your questions will be answered in the coming months here at Mom of All Trades and in my e-newsletter, Monthly Answers for Moms. If you are not a Monthly Answers subscriber, send your name and e-mail address through the Keep In Touch page at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com to start receiving great information every month for free.

I look forward to seeing your questions!

Choices Are Like Votes

Happy Election Day! My favorite part of this day is knowing that tomorrow I won't have to watch any campaign commercials and no pollsters or political action groups will call during dinner. I will have at least a week off before the hubbub of the next campaign season begins again.

However, we never really get a break from voting, because every choice we make is essentially a vote. I am constantly bombarded with options, and I make selections. I may not do it with a ballot, but my actions make known what I believe in and what/who I support on a daily basis.

There are things we all do regularly to live out this "vote," and we call these actions traditions. Some are daily rituals and others mark special occasions, but our traditions often tend to say, "This is something I value - it is important to me."

We are quickly moving into prime tradition season, since most of us celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve/Day in similar ways every year. So I ask you, what traditions do you like? Which ones do you dislike? What do you want to change about your traditions? How can you change traditions? What do your traditions say about your values?

If you get my newsletter, Monthly Answers for Moms, we've already explored some of these questions together. I can't wait to hear your thoughts as you comment here. If you don't get the newsletter, send your name and e-mail address through the Keep In Touch page at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com and I'll make sure you start receiving it.

I'm looking forward to hearing about your traditions!

Take Active Steps To Manage Stress Part 3 – Take Care of Yourself

No one makes great choices when stressed. It is especially hard to be patient and stay consistent with our kids when we feel under pressure. While we are all likely to blow our tops occasionally, there are five steps we can take to manage our stress so we are in a better emotional place to handle the situations that trigger our unwanted reactions.

The first strategy was to make time for God. The second was to find some quiet time to do your adult thinking. Today we move on to strategy three.

The next strategy is to take care of yourself.

I find that when I take care of myself and have a clear head, I can pretty much handle what comes my way with some element of grace and style.  When I am running on five hours of sleep, have a tummy full of junk, am a couple of days past due on a shower and have my mind racing six directions at once, I get stressed out and am not smart in the way I respond to my kids.

Pregnancy changes our bodies, but after the baby arrives we often don’t pay much attention to our own physical needs. I encourage you to take some time, and if necessary, ask your spouse, one of your parents or siblings, or a friend to help you. Figure out how much sleep you actually need and what time that sleep needs to start (once your kids are sleeping through the night, of course). Relearn what foods make you feel good, recognizing that some of your old favorites might not work for you anymore. Determine how much exercise you need, and what type of exercise makes you feel energized.

Keep in mind that your kids melt down when they get tired, hungry, or cranky. So do parents, we just call it losing our patience. When we get enough sleep and eat foods that make us feel good, we are able to better manage our stress and respond to the daily challenges of parenthood in smarter ways.

Also, taking care of our bodies is a way of respecting our families and respecting God.  When we are functioning at our best, we can give our families our best.  Likewise, if we want the Holy Spirit to live happily in us, we need to give it a nice place to live.  We wouldn’t invite God over to our house if it was falling apart, we would clean it up and make it comfortable for him.  Our bodies are no different.

This is also an area where are kids are watching so we need to be aware of what we model.  Love yourself so your kids see how to do it for themselves.  Also, moms, make sure your kids see you taking time for yourself, going out with friends, pursuing hobbies, whatever you like to do.  It is ok for kids to know their moms are whole people who leave the house to go places other than Super Target and church. 

Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it is an important step in refueling yourself and managing your stress so you can give your family your best.

Helping Young Kids Get A Handle On Money And More

First off, I appologize for neglecting my blog for so long. Thank you for faithfully checking back and for sticking with me.

Secondly, November is Money Month, so all this month we will talk about teaching kids to manage finances through different, age-appropriate forms of allowance. If your kids aren't in the age group discussed this week, check back next week for tips for 8 - 12-year-olds or the following week for tips for teens.

Thanks again for your continued support. Now, on to this week's post...

Parents often ask me what they can do to get their kids to pick up all of the stuff they leave around the house. In addition to toys, most kids leave a trail of shoes, socks, snack wrappers, juice pouches, sporting equipment, and other odds and ends all over the place.

Between the ages of 4 and 8, it can help to start giving them an allowance. In order for kids to learn how to count money, as well as how to use it, they need to be in charge of some. I recommend giving kids this age three allowance jobs. Make sure they are easy jobs the child can do independently. For example, my children’s first allowance jobs were to feed the dog twice a day, keep their shoes and socks either on their feet or put away, and keep their rooms tidy (remember to keep your expectation of “tidy” age appropriate).

It works well to keep your system simple – if the child does all of his jobs, he gets all of his allowance. If he doesn’t do a job, he gets no allowance. It is too confusing and too much maintenance to pay different amounts of money for different jobs. I recommend paying $2.50 a week. This comes to $10 a month which is plenty of money for kids this age.

When you pay the earned money, pay it in quarters (if you pay $2.50 a week, that means the child receives a very impressive stack of 10 quarters). Then, every night after dinner, have a short time of family cleaning. In my home, we simply call it “15 minutes.” For 15 minutes, everyone works at picking up the debris that accumulated around the house during the day, while I clean up dinner. On Sundays, after 15 minutes is up, I walk around the main living area of the house (not the kids’ bedrooms) and pick up anything left out. The items I collect go into a bag, where they stay for one week. The kids must purchase their things out of the bag the following Sunday for $0.25 per item (this is why you pay allowance in quarters). If they need something before the week is up (like their shoes) they may buy things early for $0.50 each. All items must be purchased from the bag by the end of the week and must be put away once purchased.

This system encourages kids to do their allowance jobs and keep their things put away. You can have your child use a chart to keep track of his work if you want to, although at this age it is generally easy to see if the work is completed or not. If you do use a chart, Target stores carry a cute magnetic one that has many common jobs already listed on moveable magnets, along with blank magnets so you can make up your own tasks.

If you have a great idea for encouraging your kids to pick up after themselves or for handling allowance, share it with us by commenting on this post.

Next month we will talk about handling allowance for 8 – 12-year-olds.

Off The Mark

“I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint." - Jeremiah 31:25

Thank you for sticking with me, my faithful readers. I apologize that my Christmas blogging break extended into a longer hiatus.

Recently, I had the amazing opportunity to accompany my 9-year-old to her first archery class. She had been practicing with a toy bow and arrow for years and eagerly anticipated the day when she could get her hands on the real thing.

After stretching and warming up, she finally strapped on a protective arm guard and picked up a real bow. She straddled the firing line, aimed, and let her arrow fly. It streamed through the air, straight and true. Success. One after one, her arrows hit targets fifteen yards away as her smile got bigger and bigger.

I have no idea how many arrows she launched, but after about 40 minutes her bow was tipping to the side and her arrows hit low on the target. Fatigue led to a loss of focus, and therefore, less accuracy.

I’ve sure had that feeling as a mom. When I am tired, I am much more likely to ignore an offense that really should be disciplined. I serve food that is easy to get on the table, even if its nutritional value is marginal. Dawdling is allowed to the point where the kids go to bed later than normal when I don’t have the energy to keep them on track through the bed time routine.

When mom is tired, everyone suffers.

Now, when this happens occasionally, I don’t worry about it. What concerns me is when it becomes the normal state of family life. Sometimes what starts as fatigue turns into apathy.

Mom, please make the commitment today to take whatever steps are needed to give yourself more energy. Maybe you need more sleep. Maybe you need to cut sugar or simple carbs from your diet. Maybe you need to eat more veggies, or take a multi-vitamin, or get some exercise. Maybe you need a little downtime to just play. Maybe you could ask God to help, and spend some extra time in prayer with the Giver Of All Good Things. You may even need to experiment with some different ideas to figure out which ones really make a noticeable difference for you.

After putting down her bow and stretching again for ten or fifteen minutes, my daughter went back to the firing line and started hitting her targets again. As moms, we can be on the mark as well with just a little refreshment.

What do you do to re-energize yourself when you start feeling weary?

Christmas Is For Moms

"A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world." – John 16:21

People always say that Christmas is for children. In many ways I agree with that. The sparkling lights, shiny decorations and stylish wrapping capture a child’s imagination in a way that few other experiences can. However, when you strip way the glitter and get down to the nitty gritty, I think Christmas is for moms.

A mom can understand the need to protect and support her husband, even if it means riding for days on a donkey while nine months pregnant. A mom can make any place feel like home for her child, even in a stable. Some translations of the Bible say that Jesus was wrapped in swaddling cloths. Did Mary pack in anticipation of having her baby while on the road? The term swaddling implies that the cloths were meant for a baby.

Beyond the physical scene painted in Bethlehem, a mother can relate, in many ways, to Mary’s emotions as well. Every mother knows her child will be magnificent, even if an angel doesn’t come to tell her so. We all feel compelled to provide the best we can for our children, whether it comes in the form of accepting gifts from three strangers or working crazy hours to make sure there is food in his tummy and a onesie on his back. We go to great lengths to protect our little treasures, whether that means fleeing from an unstable king, or a pushy mother-in-law.

In the eyes of our babies, we see the future of the world. And while we don’t enter into motherhood knowing what role our child will play the way Mary did, the anticipation of what lies ahead keeps us hopeful from one Christmas to the next.

I pray that you, and your entire family, have a very blessed Christmas.

In honor of the holiday, I will take a break from blogging until the new year. I look forward to talking with you in 2009!

You Want Me To Show You What?

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven – Ecclesiastes 3:1


As usual, I am writing my blog post while watching my daughter’s weekly gymnastics class. The kids are all inside the gym while the moms wait in the hallway, watching through a wall of windows.

Here in the hall, it is impossible not to overhear the various conversations, and I am currently enjoying one between two moms whose daughters want them to demonstrate different acrobatic skills at home. Apparently, one mom used to actually try this for her child, but had to stop when she found out she was pregnant. The visual image I get of this mother cart wheeling across her living room to the applause of her awestruck five-year-old audience makes me smile.

The last time I tried to “demonstrate” a handstand, I pulled a muscle in my leg. While I am not what you would call a jock, I do consider myself to be in reasonable shape. I make a point of stretching thoroughly when I go to the gym, and I try to go hiking at least twice a month when the weather permits. So why can I not do a simple handstand without injuring (and embarrassing) myself?

I wonder if perhaps there are certain activities that are meant to be part of childhood (unless you happen to be that thirty-something-year-old mom who competed the Olympics for the German gymnastics team — but she doesn’t count). Maybe losing particular abilities keeps us from getting too cocky about our physical condition.

Or maybe kids feel empowered when they can finally do something their parents can’t. I think this might be the reason God allows us the foolish notion of even trying handstands in our mid-thirties – so we are forced to demonstrate our inabilities and shortcomings for our kids. It is so easy to go through each day seemingly in charge and having all of the answers for our children. It does both generations a bit of good to turn the tables and let the kiddos be the capable ones. When we let them teach us, it builds their confidence even more.

Sure, I may be able to drive the car and work the barbeque grill, but my daughter can do a straddle roll. To her, that is like gold.

Hopping Off the Merry-Go-Round

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. – James 1:4

This weekend, I had one of those rare mothering moments where I realized I was standing squarely in the light at the end of the tunnel. I made it all the way through, and it was beautiful.

Our town holds an annual festival with carnival rides, funnel cake booths, live bands and craft vendors. It is a big event that attracts not only the entire population of our town, but visitors from neighboring areas as well.

Ever since our kids were tiny, my husband and I have held them onto merry-go-round horses during these yearly festivities. We’ve jammed our long legs into the miniature Dragon Wagon and spun around in cars shaped like elephants so we could help them through their early experiences with “thrill” rides.

This year, for the first time ever, my husband and I bought no carnival tickets for ourselves. We happily stood on the sidelines, watching our kids spin. We laughed at the way our oldest throws her arms in the air with wild abandonment, while her little sister holds on for dear life—literally “white knuckling” every ride. We waved every time they rode past us, and smiled and cheered for their successful adventures.

As we enjoyed watching the action swirling around us, we realized we have reached a beautiful stage of parenting. Our kids still enjoy doing things as a family, but they don’t need our constant companionship. They are secure in trying things on their own, but still like the reassurance of having us close. They aren’t yet embarrassed to admit they have parents, but are confident enough to enjoy the ride with some independence.

I bet God feels the same kind of joy as we hit developmental milestones in our spiritual maturity. I’m sure He smiles when we grow to the point of knowing He’s always there, sharing and enjoying life with us, yet we’re strong enough in our faith and in the Word to venture out while avoiding trouble. He probably thinks, “Phew! We made it to the end of this particular tunnel, and now I finally get to share my light in this area of her life.”

For my fellow mothers who are still jamming their legs into choo-choo trains and bumper cars, I say to you, “Hang in there. It is a lovely ride that is well worth the wait.”