The complicated answer to this seemingly simple question is
that there is no set age at which a child can go to a slumber party. It depends
on several factors.
1.
Is your child comfortable separating from you?
If she hangs on to your leg when you drop her off at school/preschool/Sunday
school, she may not be comfortable leaving you for an entire night. Test this
by letting your child spend the night with grandparents, cousins, or close
family friends who are familiar to your child and who won’t feel embarrassed calling
you in the middle of the night if your child wants to go home.
2.
Are you comfortable separating from your child?
It is natural to worry a bit when allowing your little one to experience
something new, but if you spend the entire night obsessing about it, or call
the other mom repeatedly to check on your child, you may not be ready. Talk to
your spouse or a trusted friend to determine if your fears are grounded in
truth or if you need to loosen the reins a little.
3.
Is your child capable of speaking up for
himself? If your child can clearly communicate what he needs, likes, and
dislikes, you can probably feel confident that he will do fine at a friend’s
house without you. If he is still working on these skills, then stick with
shorter play dates where the kids have fun while you and the other mom get to
know each other over a cup of coffee.
4.
Do you trust the family inviting your child to
spend the night? If you feel comfortable with the parents, it will go a long
way in easing your fears about the situation. When you are more relaxed, your
child will be also. If you don’t know the parents well, or if you have concerns
about the friend’s siblings, tell the other mom you’d like to get to know them better
first. Invite the family over for dinner so you can see first-hand how the kids
get along and how the parents respond to any conflicts. You can also see what
siblings are like. Never send your child to another home if you don’t feel sure
he will be safe and well supervised.
5.
How does your child play with others? If she
seems to have a steady stream of fun ideas and gets along well with her
friends during play dates, she is probably ready for a longer experience, such
as an overnight. If she tends to argue a lot or get bored, she may not be ready
for an extended interaction.
6.
It is okay to allow sleepovers with some friends
and not others. Try not to get into the details with your child on why some
overnights are not allowed until your son/daughter is mature enough not to say
something offensive or unkind to a friend. In the meantime, just say, “I’m
sorry but that won’t work this time,” and try to leave it at that. You can
offer to have the friend over to your house to play, or meet at a park for a
fun afternoon.
7.
Find out if other kids will be there or not. Is
this a birthday party with several kids spending the night? If so, who will be
there? Will your child know several of the other guests? Make sure your child will have more than one buddy so she doesn't end up feeling left out. Also see if the other guests are kids you are comfortable with your child
being around for a long period of time. If there is a serious concern, you can
let your child go the party but pick him up before everyone pulls out their
sleeping bags.
8.
Avoid setting an age for sleepovers. This can
cause unneeded conflict when your child is developmentally ready for an
overnight but hasn’t reach the pre-determined age, or when she is old enough to
go but you object to the friend who has invited her. Take each invitation on a
case-by-case basis.
9.
Above all, trust your gut. If your instincts say
“no,” then your mouth should say it too.
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