Know How to Discipline in Public

You open your refrigerator door to look for breakfast, and realize you are out of milk, eggs, and several other staples. Time to make a grocery run. You grab your list and pack your kids into the car and head for the store.

After getting everyone settled into the cart, you begin, as we talked about last week, gathering your groceries by quickly working from your list, not slowing down to look at what’s new or to read labels. However, your speed doesn’t stop the kids from picking and poking at each other. As their annoyance grows, so do their voices. “Stop touching me!” yells one child. “I didn’t!” screams the other (the response my youngest daughter once gave to the “I didn’t touch you,” answer was, “You touched my atmosphere!”).

Before you know it, the kids are screeching, crying, and making an embarrassing scene. What do you do?

The first thing to remember is to be consistent. You don’t want your children to wonder, “How will Mom respond.” Therefore, it doesn’t matter if you are at home, the store, the park, or grandma’s house, use time out with a few minor modifications (For instructions on how to use time out effectively, see the blog post from August 6, 2012).

When a child misbehaves in public, give one warning, just like you do at home. Let him know that repeating the behavior will result in a time out wherever you happen to be. The second time your child acts up, find a spot for him to sit. Try to find an empty aisle of the grocery store (it may not stay empty, and that is okay—don’t move your child if someone enters the aisle), a quiet corner at the park, or an unused room in someone’s house (keeping the bathroom as a last resort). We want an uncrowded spot because we are trying to teach, not embarrass or distract the child away from his behavior.

Take your child to the spot you identified and have him sit for one minute per year of age. In public, you will not leave your child. Simply turn away from him so you won’t be engaged. If he leaves the spot, start the time over again. If you are in a store and he touches the items on the shelves or racks, start over again. If he screams or becomes overly unruly, leave your cart, take him to the car and do your time out there. After time out you can retrieve your cart and finish shopping or just come back another day if you prefer.

When the time is done, have your normal post-time out conversation by asking, “Why are you in time out,” “How can you handle this better next time,” and “Tell me you are sorry.” Then give your child a hug and move on.

Some kids may test you to see if you are really committed to sticking with this plan. Make it clear that you will not accept unreasonable behavior and you will correct your child, no matter where you are. You may have a few really bad outings while he tests you, but before long, he will learn that you mean business and his behavior will improve.

How have you corrected your child in public in the past? Was it effective? What do you plan to do next time?

For more tips and details on how to discipline in public, join a Smarter Parenting Teleclass! Register at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com on the Parent Coaching page.