What To Do With All That Cash

Did your kids receive gifts of cash for Christmas? If they haven’t already spent it, they may be trying to figure out how to extinguish that fire burning in their pockets.

Kids love the freedom, independence, and power that comes from spending their own money on items they’ve hand selected. These experiences are great, teaching kids to make decisions, manage money, and live with the joys or consequences of their choices.

However, before heading to the store, have a conversation with your child about his thoughts on where the money should go. I recommend giving kids three separate piggy banks: a spending bank, a savings bank, and an offering bank. Allowance money should typically be divided between the three banks (I let the child decide how to split the amount between the banks, but that is a topic for another post). You and your child can decide if gift money, or other special occasion money, also needs to be divided or if it can just be spent on something fun.

Discuss what type of purchase your child has in mind. If she has been saving for a particular toy, her Christmas money might allow her to make that purchase. Perhaps she received a large sum, but just wants a few inexpensive things, like a Littlest PetShop figure or a Zooble. In that case, talk to her about taking a little money to the store and saving the rest for the next time she’d like a new toy. If your child has no idea what she wants, ask if she would like to start by looking at toys, clothes, books, etc. so you have an idea of where to start shopping and she can start making a mental plan. Wandering around Target looking for something to buy is not usually the best plan. When kids do this, they tend to make impulse purchases they later regret. I am in favor of doing this with a little bit of money because it teaches kids to be more thoughtful in their purchases, but protect them from the huge disappointment of wasting ALL of their gift money on an unwise choice.

Also, let your kids know that you always have the final say on a purchase. It does not matter that it is the child’s money, as the parent you do not have to let inappropriate clothes, music, video games, toys, or anything else into your house. Don’t censor a child’s purchase because you think it is silly or unrealistic (although you should gently ask questions about such items to help your child evaluate the true value of the item), but do stand by your morals and let your kids know when items cross the line.

By taking the time to discuss your child’s shopping goals before heading to the store, you are likely to have more fun and your child will have a better money management experience.

Know How to Discipline in Public

You open your refrigerator door to look for breakfast, and realize you are out of milk, eggs, and several other staples. Time to make a grocery run. You grab your list and pack your kids into the car and head for the store.

After getting everyone settled into the cart, you begin, as we talked about last week, gathering your groceries by quickly working from your list, not slowing down to look at what’s new or to read labels. However, your speed doesn’t stop the kids from picking and poking at each other. As their annoyance grows, so do their voices. “Stop touching me!” yells one child. “I didn’t!” screams the other (the response my youngest daughter once gave to the “I didn’t touch you,” answer was, “You touched my atmosphere!”).

Before you know it, the kids are screeching, crying, and making an embarrassing scene. What do you do?

The first thing to remember is to be consistent. You don’t want your children to wonder, “How will Mom respond.” Therefore, it doesn’t matter if you are at home, the store, the park, or grandma’s house, use time out with a few minor modifications (For instructions on how to use time out effectively, see the blog post from August 6, 2012).

When a child misbehaves in public, give one warning, just like you do at home. Let him know that repeating the behavior will result in a time out wherever you happen to be. The second time your child acts up, find a spot for him to sit. Try to find an empty aisle of the grocery store (it may not stay empty, and that is okay—don’t move your child if someone enters the aisle), a quiet corner at the park, or an unused room in someone’s house (keeping the bathroom as a last resort). We want an uncrowded spot because we are trying to teach, not embarrass or distract the child away from his behavior.

Take your child to the spot you identified and have him sit for one minute per year of age. In public, you will not leave your child. Simply turn away from him so you won’t be engaged. If he leaves the spot, start the time over again. If you are in a store and he touches the items on the shelves or racks, start over again. If he screams or becomes overly unruly, leave your cart, take him to the car and do your time out there. After time out you can retrieve your cart and finish shopping or just come back another day if you prefer.

When the time is done, have your normal post-time out conversation by asking, “Why are you in time out,” “How can you handle this better next time,” and “Tell me you are sorry.” Then give your child a hug and move on.

Some kids may test you to see if you are really committed to sticking with this plan. Make it clear that you will not accept unreasonable behavior and you will correct your child, no matter where you are. You may have a few really bad outings while he tests you, but before long, he will learn that you mean business and his behavior will improve.

How have you corrected your child in public in the past? Was it effective? What do you plan to do next time?

For more tips and details on how to discipline in public, join a Smarter Parenting Teleclass! Register at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com on the Parent Coaching page.