What To Do With All That Cash

Did your kids receive gifts of cash for Christmas? If they haven’t already spent it, they may be trying to figure out how to extinguish that fire burning in their pockets.

Kids love the freedom, independence, and power that comes from spending their own money on items they’ve hand selected. These experiences are great, teaching kids to make decisions, manage money, and live with the joys or consequences of their choices.

However, before heading to the store, have a conversation with your child about his thoughts on where the money should go. I recommend giving kids three separate piggy banks: a spending bank, a savings bank, and an offering bank. Allowance money should typically be divided between the three banks (I let the child decide how to split the amount between the banks, but that is a topic for another post). You and your child can decide if gift money, or other special occasion money, also needs to be divided or if it can just be spent on something fun.

Discuss what type of purchase your child has in mind. If she has been saving for a particular toy, her Christmas money might allow her to make that purchase. Perhaps she received a large sum, but just wants a few inexpensive things, like a Littlest PetShop figure or a Zooble. In that case, talk to her about taking a little money to the store and saving the rest for the next time she’d like a new toy. If your child has no idea what she wants, ask if she would like to start by looking at toys, clothes, books, etc. so you have an idea of where to start shopping and she can start making a mental plan. Wandering around Target looking for something to buy is not usually the best plan. When kids do this, they tend to make impulse purchases they later regret. I am in favor of doing this with a little bit of money because it teaches kids to be more thoughtful in their purchases, but protect them from the huge disappointment of wasting ALL of their gift money on an unwise choice.

Also, let your kids know that you always have the final say on a purchase. It does not matter that it is the child’s money, as the parent you do not have to let inappropriate clothes, music, video games, toys, or anything else into your house. Don’t censor a child’s purchase because you think it is silly or unrealistic (although you should gently ask questions about such items to help your child evaluate the true value of the item), but do stand by your morals and let your kids know when items cross the line.

By taking the time to discuss your child’s shopping goals before heading to the store, you are likely to have more fun and your child will have a better money management experience.

Make a Fun and Easy Fruit Dip

Looking for creative ways to get your kids to eat more fruit? Try this fun dip.

Combine 1 8oz brick of cream cheese (I like the lowfat Neufchatel cheese), 1/2 cup brown sugar, and 1 tsp. vanilla. Blend until smooth and creamy.

Stiffer fruits, such as apple slices and whole strawberries, can easily be dipped. Flimsier varieties such as peach slices may need to be spread with the mixture.

Once the fruit has some cheese on it, your child can dip the piece again in crushed walnuts, pecans or shredded coconut for extra fun and protein.

You can even put some dip in a small plastic container for a sack lunch treat.

Fruit has never been so much fun!

When Is Your Child Old Enough For A Sleepover?

It is the call many moms dread, “Can your son/daughter come spend the night?” Sleepovers are lots of fun for kids, and help them practice important skills such as independence and manners. But how do you know if your child is ready?

The complicated answer to this seemingly simple question is that there is no set age at which a child can go to a slumber party. It depends on several factors.

1.       Is your child comfortable separating from you? If she hangs on to your leg when you drop her off at school/preschool/Sunday school, she may not be comfortable leaving you for an entire night. Test this by letting your child spend the night with grandparents, cousins, or close family friends who are familiar to your child and who won’t feel embarrassed calling you in the middle of the night if your child wants to go home. 

2.       Are you comfortable separating from your child? It is natural to worry a bit when allowing your little one to experience something new, but if you spend the entire night obsessing about it, or call the other mom repeatedly to check on your child, you may not be ready. Talk to your spouse or a trusted friend to determine if your fears are grounded in truth or if you need to loosen the reins a little. 

3.       Is your child capable of speaking up for himself? If your child can clearly communicate what he needs, likes, and dislikes, you can probably feel confident that he will do fine at a friend’s house without you. If he is still working on these skills, then stick with shorter play dates where the kids have fun while you and the other mom get to know each other over a cup of coffee.

4.       Do you trust the family inviting your child to spend the night? If you feel comfortable with the parents, it will go a long way in easing your fears about the situation. When you are more relaxed, your child will be also. If you don’t know the parents well, or if you have concerns about the friend’s siblings, tell the other mom you’d like to get to know them better first. Invite the family over for dinner so you can see first-hand how the kids get along and how the parents respond to any conflicts. You can also see what siblings are like. Never send your child to another home if you don’t feel sure he will be safe and well supervised.

5.       How does your child play with others? If she seems to have a steady stream of fun ideas and gets along well with her friends during play dates, she is probably ready for a longer experience, such as an overnight. If she tends to argue a lot or get bored, she may not be ready for an extended interaction. 

6.       It is okay to allow sleepovers with some friends and not others. Try not to get into the details with your child on why some overnights are not allowed until your son/daughter is mature enough not to say something offensive or unkind to a friend. In the meantime, just say, “I’m sorry but that won’t work this time,” and try to leave it at that. You can offer to have the friend over to your house to play, or meet at a park for a fun afternoon. 

7.       Find out if other kids will be there or not. Is this a birthday party with several kids spending the night? If so, who will be there? Will your child know several of the other guests? Make sure your child will have more than one buddy so she doesn't end up feeling left out. Also see if the other guests are kids you are comfortable with your child being around for a long period of time. If there is a serious concern, you can let your child go the party but pick him up before everyone pulls out their sleeping bags.

8.       Avoid setting an age for sleepovers. This can cause unneeded conflict when your child is developmentally ready for an overnight but hasn’t reach the pre-determined age, or when she is old enough to go but you object to the friend who has invited her. Take each invitation on a case-by-case basis. 

9.       Above all, trust your gut. If your instincts say “no,” then your mouth should say it too.

Pleasing Picky Eaters

“I don’t like this!”

“I don’t want to try a bite!”

“I want ________!”

If these phrases are familiar at meal time, you probably have a picky eater. Keeping fussy kids nourished can be a challenge, but here are some strategies that might help.

Keep yourself sane by having everyone in your family eat the same meal rather than preparing different dishes for each person. It can be tricky to make one meal when different members of the family like different foods, but everyone will survive the experience and you won’t turn into a short order cook.

For example, when packing school lunches for my kids, both girls get the same items. One of my daughters loves peanut butter and jelly, but the other isn’t crazy about it. Therefore, they only have it once a week. That way one gets her favorite and the other doesn’t have to deal with it too often.

I know moms who give each member of the family his or her favorite foods every day, and it takes too much of their time, is too expensive, and results in picky kids (and husbands) who have limited taste palates and unbalanced diets.

At meal time, encourage everyone to try each item on the plate (within reason—don’t make the kids eat spicy sauces, overly pungent items, or anything that will hurt their mouths). If a child doesn’t like something, he doesn’t need to eat it as long as he tries a bite every time it appears on the plate. A child who didn’t like broccoli last week still has to try it this week since many tastes are acquired after several exposures.

If a child doesn’t like anything on the plate, or eats but is still hungry, he is welcomed to get something else. In my house this means the kids can select something from the meat drawer in our refrigerator. This drawer is stocked with acceptable substitutes, such as lunch meat (keep it nitrate/nitrite free if they eat it often), cheese slices/sticks, cups of plain Greek yogurt they can flavor with fresh fruit or nuts, baby carrots, pea pods, and other things the kids can eat in place of (or in addition to) the dinner I prepared.

In order to replace a dinner, or add to one, with items from the drawer, kids must clear their dinner dishes, get the new food items themselves, and clean up after themselves. Selecting this choice should not make extra work for mom—the kids need to do it independently. Fill the drawer with things that make independence possible.

Make sure the kids ask before going into the drawer, or before getting anything to eat themselves. That way you can monitor what they eat, when, and how much they consume. Also, teach your kids to respect the fact that everything in the fridge isn’t theirs. You may have plans for groceries you’ve purchased, so set clear limits on what the kids can take from the refrigerator or pantry.

If a child won’t try a particular food, don’t fight about it. Simply let your child know that he does not need to eat, but that there won’t be any other foods available until he tries a bite of everything on the plate. If he fuses about this, let him cool off in time out. Food is not worth arguing over.

Is meal preparation stressful for you? If so, what can you do to make it easier? What resources do you need?

Get more ideas for making meal time pleasant in a Smarter Parenting Teleclass. Register today at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com on the Parent Coaching Page.

Go for the “Yes”

Do you ever feel like the word “no” makes up 90% of the vocabulary you use with your kids?

“No, you can’t have cookies for breakfast.”

“No, we can’t go swimming right now—it is 5:00 in the morning.”

No. No.  No. Sound familiar?

I’ve noticed that sometimes I get so used to saying no that it automatically flies out of my mouth without thought. However, that is not the kind of mom I want to be, and I don’t want the general sense of negativity the word produces floating around in my house. Whenever possible, I want to be a yes mom.

There is a big difference between a yes mom and a permissive mom. A yes mom does not let her kids get away with misbehavior, nor does she give in to their every whim.  Rather, she is thoughtful enough, and emotionally present enough, to meet her child’s requests with positive options she can support. She can redirect her child without using the word no. For example, consider this dialogue:

Child: “I want to wear my raincoat as a dress today.”

Yes mom: “You may wear your raincoat over a dress, or you can wear it as a dress when we get home from having lunch with Grandma.”

Both options mom presented are reasonable and appropriate, and rather than automatically dismissing her child’s request, she incorporates it into the choices given.

Sometimes there aren’t two good alternatives to a child’s request, but we can still present a choice.  For example, during the school year, my daughter typically needs a jacket for her morning recess, but she doesn’t like wearing it in the car. Carrying it guarantees the jacket will come home on the floor of my SUV. Therefore, her choices are to wear it or put it in her backpack.

She does not like either of these options, and she has valid reasons for disliking them. However, we simply don’t have a good alternative. This happens to all of us sometimes, and we have to learn to make the best of an imperfect situation. As parents, we can stay positive and focus on teaching our children to consider the options and select one, even when it isn’t the solution they’d hoped for.

When we make a point of being yes moms, we force ourselves to consider our kids’ requests and craft thoughtful responses.  When our kids know we hear, and process, what they ask, they are validated and are more likely to behave in positive ways.

Smarter parents keep things positive when they can, even when denying a child’s request.

Under what circumstances to you find yourself saying no without really considering other possibilities?