10 Reminders for Moms

Happy New Year! 'Tis the season to set new resolutions, but sometimes we get so excited about our grand goals that we forget the little things we need to do every day to truly feel great about our parenting. Here are 10 Reminders to help you keep your family in shape so you can focus attention on those other goals.

10 New Year’s Reminders for Moms

1 – Give hugs to every day (to your kids and your husband)

2 – Kids hear better when mom’s voice is calm and kind.

3 – Cranky kids and naughty kids are often tired kids. Protect bedtime!

4 – The way you talk to your child tells him his value. Make sure your words and your tone tell him he is special, wonderful, and precious.

5 – Make time to play.

6 – Kids need parents, not another friend. Don’t be afraid of your parental authority.

7 – Listen more than you speak. Listen with your ears, eyes, heart, and gut – you will learn a lot!

8 – Don’t jump in too quickly – give your kids a chance to find their own solutions and fix their own problems.

9 – Model forgiveness.

10 – Say “I love you” every day.

Winning Lessons for Little Athletes

Thanks to their large supply of energy and low dose of discernment where balls, mats, or running is concerned, most kids enjoy some kind of athletic activity. This is a great thing because, not only do they get needed exercise, but kids also learn valuable life lessons on the sporting field.

Sports Can Help Develop Godly Character

When you praise your child, avoid talking up the score or the trophy. Winning kids already know you are proud of the accomplishment. Instead, point out examples of good sportsmanship, team leadership, dedication, perseverance, etc. Make sure your child knows you are proud not only when he wins, but when he puts forth a good effort and excels in all areas of the game, not just scoring.

Use Sports To Teach Kids About Priorities

Since kids typically don’t want to miss practices or games, use these occasions to help them learn how and where to focus their efforts. I like to prioritize commitments in the following order: God, family, work/school, other commitments, social time with friends. This means that we don’t join sporting leagues with games every Sunday morning (I am okay with occasionally missing church for a sporting event, but not more that once a quarter). It also means that homework needs to be done before going to practice. Family includes both family events and family obligations, meaning chores need to be done consistently if the child wishes to keep playing.

Handle Winning And Losing The Same Way

Obviously it is exciting to win and disappointing to lose. However, too many kids don’t know how to win or lose well. We can help this by basically treating both the same. After the game, let your child share her feelings and experience them with her, as long as she keeps them healthy. If she is excited about a win, be happy with her. If she is depressed over a loss, let her know you sympathize. Make sure, however, that she keeps her emotions within the realm of good sportsmanship. Bragging, weeping, or angrily criticizing other players, coaches, or refs is not acceptable.

Analyze the game and talk about what went well and where there is room for improvement. Keep it light and short to avoid launching into a lecture.

As we discussed before, praise the skills she used on the field that don’t clearly contribute to the score, such as leadership, encouragement, and good sportsmanship.

 

With these tips, your kids will have a great time both on the field and off.

Have a Family Game Night

Right now, before you make any other plans, go pull out a few board games and set them somewhere you will see later tonight so you don't forget to have a family game night.

Once you get going, everyone has fun with board games. However, to many of us, the idea doesn't sound very appealing until the fun actually starts. It is also such a simple idea that many of us forget to do it. I know I have games that are nearly new because I so often make bigger, more elaborate plans for family fun that the game boxes remain unopened.

However, over the past few weeks my daughter and I have been making a point of playing together more often. What fun we've had!

Kids learn important life skills through games:
~How to take turns
~How to lose a turn with good grace
~How to be a good sport when winning and losing
~How to be fair
~How to follow directions
~How to follow a sequence
~Critical thinking
~Counting
~How to be an encourager
~Problem solving
~Time management
~Strategy
~Money management (in some games such as Monopoly)
~Fine motor skills (especially when holding a hand of cards
~How to deal with disappointment
~Self confidence
~Communication skills, including intergenerational communication skills
~And more.

Plus, as a parent, games give you the chance to check on your child’s skills and help you assess how he is developing. Pay attention to how your child plays and gently guide him in the areas where he needs to grow. If when moving his piece around the board he tends to skip over spots or doesn’t count correctly, help him move his piece back to where he started so he can try again. If he cries when he doesn’t win, help him learn how to use words to express his unhappiness. Teach him to say, “I am sad that I didn’t win, but I am happy for you.”

You can also use family game night as a chance to talk to your kids about their lives, the issues they are facing and how they feel in a relaxed setting, especially with preteens and teens who may not be as chatty as they once were.

Enjoy the time to bond with your family, practice skills, and have a ton of fun.

What To Do With All That Cash

Did your kids receive gifts of cash for Christmas? If they haven’t already spent it, they may be trying to figure out how to extinguish that fire burning in their pockets.

Kids love the freedom, independence, and power that comes from spending their own money on items they’ve hand selected. These experiences are great, teaching kids to make decisions, manage money, and live with the joys or consequences of their choices.

However, before heading to the store, have a conversation with your child about his thoughts on where the money should go. I recommend giving kids three separate piggy banks: a spending bank, a savings bank, and an offering bank. Allowance money should typically be divided between the three banks (I let the child decide how to split the amount between the banks, but that is a topic for another post). You and your child can decide if gift money, or other special occasion money, also needs to be divided or if it can just be spent on something fun.

Discuss what type of purchase your child has in mind. If she has been saving for a particular toy, her Christmas money might allow her to make that purchase. Perhaps she received a large sum, but just wants a few inexpensive things, like a Littlest PetShop figure or a Zooble. In that case, talk to her about taking a little money to the store and saving the rest for the next time she’d like a new toy. If your child has no idea what she wants, ask if she would like to start by looking at toys, clothes, books, etc. so you have an idea of where to start shopping and she can start making a mental plan. Wandering around Target looking for something to buy is not usually the best plan. When kids do this, they tend to make impulse purchases they later regret. I am in favor of doing this with a little bit of money because it teaches kids to be more thoughtful in their purchases, but protect them from the huge disappointment of wasting ALL of their gift money on an unwise choice.

Also, let your kids know that you always have the final say on a purchase. It does not matter that it is the child’s money, as the parent you do not have to let inappropriate clothes, music, video games, toys, or anything else into your house. Don’t censor a child’s purchase because you think it is silly or unrealistic (although you should gently ask questions about such items to help your child evaluate the true value of the item), but do stand by your morals and let your kids know when items cross the line.

By taking the time to discuss your child’s shopping goals before heading to the store, you are likely to have more fun and your child will have a better money management experience.

Make a Fun and Easy Fruit Dip

Looking for creative ways to get your kids to eat more fruit? Try this fun dip.

Combine 1 8oz brick of cream cheese (I like the lowfat Neufchatel cheese), 1/2 cup brown sugar, and 1 tsp. vanilla. Blend until smooth and creamy.

Stiffer fruits, such as apple slices and whole strawberries, can easily be dipped. Flimsier varieties such as peach slices may need to be spread with the mixture.

Once the fruit has some cheese on it, your child can dip the piece again in crushed walnuts, pecans or shredded coconut for extra fun and protein.

You can even put some dip in a small plastic container for a sack lunch treat.

Fruit has never been so much fun!

For a Quick and East Dinner, Try Happy Hats

You may remember eating Straw Hats as a kid. When I was growing up they were one of my favorite hot lunch entrees at school. I still love them, and so do my kids. You basically make sloppy joe meat, serve it on top of tortilla chips, and top it with shredded cheddar cheese.

However, I found an easy variation on this that my family also loves. My youngest daughter named it Happy Hats, because it is like Straw Hats but it makes her even happier.

Brown one pound of ground beef.

Add one large 28oz can of baked beans (I like Bush's Homestyle beans, but any kind will do) and one 15 1/4 oz can of whole kernel corn to the beef. Simmer until everything is hot and well-mixed.

Serve over Fritos (the Fritos Scoops work really well) and top with finely shredded cheddar cheese.

Enjoy, and have a great weekend!

You Are Doing A Great Job!

Moms don’t hear it often enough, so let me tell you, loud and clear, you are GREAT! Even if we haven’t met yet, I bet I know some things you are doing extremely well.

1.       You are exactly the mom your child needs. God put you and your child together for a specific reason. Life may not always be easy (in fact, it may rarely be easy), but you are still the mom your child is supposed to have, and that makes you the very best person for the job.

2.       You love your child like no one else in the world ever can. That is the nature of the special bond between mother and child.

3.       You understand your child’s subtle signals better than anyone else. You know the difference between her cries, when he is truly upset rather than just feeling tired and cranky, when she is scared from a fall but not actually hurt, and all of the other signals children give their moms that the normal onlooker would miss.

4.       You know exactly what to say to make your child feel like the most important person in the world. More importantly, you know what to say to make your child feel like the most important person in your world.

5.       You can turn that little frown upside down. When your child feels blue, you can bring the sunshine like no one else.

Keep up the great work, Mom. You are more valuable than you realize.

Choices Are Like Votes

Happy Election Day! My favorite part of this day is knowing that tomorrow I won't have to watch any campaign commercials and no pollsters or political action groups will call during dinner. I will have at least a week off before the hubbub of the next campaign season begins again.

However, we never really get a break from voting, because every choice we make is essentially a vote. I am constantly bombarded with options, and I make selections. I may not do it with a ballot, but my actions make known what I believe in and what/who I support on a daily basis.

There are things we all do regularly to live out this "vote," and we call these actions traditions. Some are daily rituals and others mark special occasions, but our traditions often tend to say, "This is something I value - it is important to me."

We are quickly moving into prime tradition season, since most of us celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve/Day in similar ways every year. So I ask you, what traditions do you like? Which ones do you dislike? What do you want to change about your traditions? How can you change traditions? What do your traditions say about your values?

If you get my newsletter, Monthly Answers for Moms, we've already explored some of these questions together. I can't wait to hear your thoughts as you comment here. If you don't get the newsletter, send your name and e-mail address through the Keep In Touch page at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com and I'll make sure you start receiving it.

I'm looking forward to hearing about your traditions!

Pleasing Picky Eaters

“I don’t like this!”

“I don’t want to try a bite!”

“I want ________!”

If these phrases are familiar at meal time, you probably have a picky eater. Keeping fussy kids nourished can be a challenge, but here are some strategies that might help.

Keep yourself sane by having everyone in your family eat the same meal rather than preparing different dishes for each person. It can be tricky to make one meal when different members of the family like different foods, but everyone will survive the experience and you won’t turn into a short order cook.

For example, when packing school lunches for my kids, both girls get the same items. One of my daughters loves peanut butter and jelly, but the other isn’t crazy about it. Therefore, they only have it once a week. That way one gets her favorite and the other doesn’t have to deal with it too often.

I know moms who give each member of the family his or her favorite foods every day, and it takes too much of their time, is too expensive, and results in picky kids (and husbands) who have limited taste palates and unbalanced diets.

At meal time, encourage everyone to try each item on the plate (within reason—don’t make the kids eat spicy sauces, overly pungent items, or anything that will hurt their mouths). If a child doesn’t like something, he doesn’t need to eat it as long as he tries a bite every time it appears on the plate. A child who didn’t like broccoli last week still has to try it this week since many tastes are acquired after several exposures.

If a child doesn’t like anything on the plate, or eats but is still hungry, he is welcomed to get something else. In my house this means the kids can select something from the meat drawer in our refrigerator. This drawer is stocked with acceptable substitutes, such as lunch meat (keep it nitrate/nitrite free if they eat it often), cheese slices/sticks, cups of plain Greek yogurt they can flavor with fresh fruit or nuts, baby carrots, pea pods, and other things the kids can eat in place of (or in addition to) the dinner I prepared.

In order to replace a dinner, or add to one, with items from the drawer, kids must clear their dinner dishes, get the new food items themselves, and clean up after themselves. Selecting this choice should not make extra work for mom—the kids need to do it independently. Fill the drawer with things that make independence possible.

Make sure the kids ask before going into the drawer, or before getting anything to eat themselves. That way you can monitor what they eat, when, and how much they consume. Also, teach your kids to respect the fact that everything in the fridge isn’t theirs. You may have plans for groceries you’ve purchased, so set clear limits on what the kids can take from the refrigerator or pantry.

If a child won’t try a particular food, don’t fight about it. Simply let your child know that he does not need to eat, but that there won’t be any other foods available until he tries a bite of everything on the plate. If he fuses about this, let him cool off in time out. Food is not worth arguing over.

Is meal preparation stressful for you? If so, what can you do to make it easier? What resources do you need?

Get more ideas for making meal time pleasant in a Smarter Parenting Teleclass. Register today at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com on the Parent Coaching Page.

Make The Most of Meal Time

Whether it is dealing with picky eaters, kids who won’t sit still, spilled food at every meal, or some other issue, most moms have a challenge on their hands at meal time. I have never heard of a family in which everyone liked the same foods, or in which all family members were hungry at the same time. It is also very common for mom and dad to disagree on meal time rules, such as how much children need to eat or what qualifies as appropriate table behavior.

The strategies we will talk about here are based on the assumption that your children are healthy and are growing at a reasonable rate. If that is not the case, disregard this post and make a meal time plan with your pediatrician and/or nutritionist.

A pre-meal time routine is a great way to signal to your family that it is time to start shifting gears in order to prepare to eat, especially at dinner. Five or ten minutes before the meal will be served, call the kids in to wash their hands and set the table. They can start helping at around 18 months of age by putting out the napkins. Don’t look for perfection, just participation. Older kids can set out silverware or get drinks.

Once the table is ready, ask the kids to sit down and talk with you while you get everything plated. This keeps them from getting underfoot and gives them a few minutes to settle in and prepare to sit through the meal. Young kids often don’t eat much, so they may finish their meals in only a few minutes. This routine gives you a little extra time to bond as a family.

No healthy child will allow himself to starve to death. Given this truth, consider what your priority is for each meal. In my family, I hope to physically nourish my children with food at breakfast and lunch. At dinner I want to nourish family relationships. Dinner is the only meal my kids have with their father, so spending meaningful time with him discussing the day is more important than what they eat.

If the kids misbehave at the table, they get one warning. If the behavior continues, they go to time out. This is not a big deal if you use the time out system effectively throughout the day. If they don’t, you will probably have an unpleasant meal as your food gets cold while you repeatedly re-deliver your child to the time out spot (without talking, of course). Remember that discipline is an investment, and a few lousy meals are an acceptable price to pay for the long-term benefits of teaching your child how to behave.  

If a child tries at least one bite of everything on the plate, and eats half or more of what you provided then says he is full, that counts as eating a meal. Remember that a healthy child will not allow himself to starve, so it is okay if he doesn’t eat a meal. However, we don’t want him developing the habit of snacking between meals instead. Tell a child who doesn’t want his dinner that it is perfectly fine for him to get down from the table, but that he will not get any more food until breakfast tomorrow morning. When he starts crying about being hungry in an hour or two, don’t give in. Simply remind him that he chose to wait until the next meal, and remind yourself that he will not starve. Feel free to offer him a glass of water instead of a snack.

Next time we will talk about what to do when your child is hungry but doesn’t like what you’ve prepared.

Is meal time pleasant in your home? If so, what makes it that way? If not, why?

Go for the “Yes”

Do you ever feel like the word “no” makes up 90% of the vocabulary you use with your kids?

“No, you can’t have cookies for breakfast.”

“No, we can’t go swimming right now—it is 5:00 in the morning.”

No. No.  No. Sound familiar?

I’ve noticed that sometimes I get so used to saying no that it automatically flies out of my mouth without thought. However, that is not the kind of mom I want to be, and I don’t want the general sense of negativity the word produces floating around in my house. Whenever possible, I want to be a yes mom.

There is a big difference between a yes mom and a permissive mom. A yes mom does not let her kids get away with misbehavior, nor does she give in to their every whim.  Rather, she is thoughtful enough, and emotionally present enough, to meet her child’s requests with positive options she can support. She can redirect her child without using the word no. For example, consider this dialogue:

Child: “I want to wear my raincoat as a dress today.”

Yes mom: “You may wear your raincoat over a dress, or you can wear it as a dress when we get home from having lunch with Grandma.”

Both options mom presented are reasonable and appropriate, and rather than automatically dismissing her child’s request, she incorporates it into the choices given.

Sometimes there aren’t two good alternatives to a child’s request, but we can still present a choice.  For example, during the school year, my daughter typically needs a jacket for her morning recess, but she doesn’t like wearing it in the car. Carrying it guarantees the jacket will come home on the floor of my SUV. Therefore, her choices are to wear it or put it in her backpack.

She does not like either of these options, and she has valid reasons for disliking them. However, we simply don’t have a good alternative. This happens to all of us sometimes, and we have to learn to make the best of an imperfect situation. As parents, we can stay positive and focus on teaching our children to consider the options and select one, even when it isn’t the solution they’d hoped for.

When we make a point of being yes moms, we force ourselves to consider our kids’ requests and craft thoughtful responses.  When our kids know we hear, and process, what they ask, they are validated and are more likely to behave in positive ways.

Smarter parents keep things positive when they can, even when denying a child’s request.

Under what circumstances to you find yourself saying no without really considering other possibilities?

Pick Your Battles

Last time we talked about giving kids choices. Sometimes we can get overwhelmed by the volume of choices we make in a day and it can be hard to decide which to hand over to our kids, which to make ourselves, and when to hold firm to our decisions when our kids want something different. We call this “picking our battles” because it just isn’t practical, fun, or relationship-building to argue over everything.

If we question everything our children do we will be in constant conflict. We want our kids to develop the ability to think, to assess situations, and to make appropriate decisions based on those assessments. This takes lots and lots of practice, trial and error, and the experience of making mistakes and learning from them. Let your children fail so they can learn from those encounters. It is one of the hardest things for parents to do, and it is one of the most educational for kids.

Take a few minutes to think about your values and your vision for your family. What is truly important to you? When your children are grown and they leave your home, what character traits do you want firmly planted in them? These will help you pick your battles. If your child makes a decision that conflicts with one of your core values, you will definitely want to address it. If he makes a choice that you don’t care for but it doesn’t impact his values, you can often let his choice stand.

Smarter parents give their children the opportunity to make smart choices, then pick their battles, focusing on the issues related to their values.

Do you feel like you can evaluate situations well in order to pick your battles wisely?

Learn more about picking your battles in a Smarter Parenting teleclass. Go to www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com today to get details and register.

Give Choices You Can Live With

Learning how to make decisions for yourself is part of growing up. Likewise, learning to let kids make their own choices is part of growing as a parent. It is important to start letting kids make their own choices, with limits, as early as possible because this is an area where kids and parents both need a lot of practice.

When letting your children make choices, give them two or three selections to pick from. Keep the offer simple with similar options. “Would you like to wear the pink shirt or the blue shirt with your jeans?” “Would you like to bring crackers, oranges, or carrots to snack on at the park?”

Make sure you can actually see the choices you are offering. This prevents problems like giving the pink shirt as a selection when it is in the laundry, or presenting oranges as a snack option because you don’t know your husband ate the last one at breakfast.

If your child takes a long time making a selection, give her a time limit. Say, “I am going to count to five and then you need to decide or I will pick one for you.” If you end up picking and she gets upset, remind her that she had an opportunity to choose and didn’t take it.

Your child may also have a different option in mind, like, “Can’t I wear the yellow shirt?” If you approve of the selection, allow it. If not, or if it is not available, simply say, “That is not a choice today.” Explain your reason for saying no if you can, but keep it short and to the point. Don’t get drawn into a debate.

Eventually, your child will grow to the point of deciding things for herself without your input. You will wake up one morning to find your child dressed and playing happily in her room. When this happens, give positive comments about her independence and praise her selection if you can. If she has not done a good job getting dressed, simply say something cheerful to acknowledge the effort, such as, “Hey, you got yourself ready!”

Do not criticize her selection, and do not undo it unless absolutely necessary. You don’t want to give your children the message that they are not capable of making good choices. As kids get older, they need to know they can be trusted to make good decisions all on their own.

When your child makes a good choice, praise it. When he makes a poor decision, think purposefully about the situation and decide whether it truly needs to be addressed or not.  If it does require some attention, simply say, “Please make a better choice.” Offer guidance on how to make a different decision, but don’t make it for your child—encourage him to try again.

Remember that our relationships with our children and their growing confidence in their ability to make choices are important – usually more important than what the child chooses.

When do you struggle to let your kids make their own choices?

For more on teaching kids to make good choices, join a Smarter Parenting teleclass. Go to www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com and click on Parent Coaching for more details.

When Others Need to Discipline Your Kids

Welcome to a new week! I hope that sometime this week you will get a little break for some rejuvenation. Hire a sitter and go on a date with your spouse. Drop the kids off at school and do some true shopping, where you take the time to see what’s new, try on some clothes, spray on a perfume sample, read the labels on food items, etc. Let grandma and grandpa take the kids for the day so you can have lunch and catch a movie with some girlfriends. We all need time to enjoy life without our kids, but that means leaving someone else in charge. Most moms wonder how much authority to give caregivers when it comes to discipline. The answer to this question is: it depends.

Instruct regularly-used babysitters on how time out works and give them permission to use it if needed. Remind them to be gentle and to focus on teaching. Don’t bother instructing the occasional sitter unless your child really needs the established routine in order to behave.

Talk to teachers and daycare providers about the discipline they use. Let the teacher/care provider know how you use time out at home and see if there is a way to incorporate the system used at school/daycare into your time out process. If there is and your child has trouble at school/daycare, talk to your child’s teacher about using the same combo-technique for maximum consistency.

The issue becomes sticky when grandparents supervise the kids. If your child’s grandparents watch him occasionally, just let them have fun and don’t worry about letting the discipline slide unless your child’s behavior becomes a problem. If the grandparents have your children often, teach them how to use time out and encourage them to follow your established routine.

Many grandparents don’t want to be disciplinarians; they want to be the fun adults in your child’s life. However, if the child won’t behave then no one has fun and the grandparent/grandchild relationship suffers.

If this is a problem in your family, remind your kids of how to behave before each visit with their grandparents. Depending on the ages, circumstances, and health conditions of their grandparents, these expectations may change with time and with different family members. These changes make it especially important to let the kids know to behave (give specific example or ideas) and how they can help make the visit a good experience. Ask them to be part of the family team so everyone can have fun, including grandma and grandpa.

Kids need to know that most of the rules are the same no matter who is in charge. While you should accept the fact that grandma and grandpa are probably more lenient, your kids shouldn’t take advantage of the situation. Help grandparents learn how to use time out by modeling it for them. Ask them to discreetly watch you put your child in time out so they see first-hand what to do. Remind them that the goal is to build positive, lasting relationships with their grandchildren and that those relationships become strained when the kids misbehave or when grandma and grandpa allow behavior that mom and dad don’t.

By working together with babysitters, teachers, and grandparents, you give your kids a consistent message that benefits everyone.

What do you do to let caregivers know they have the authority to discipline your kids?

Take Active Steps To Manage Stress Part 3 – Take Care of Yourself

No one makes great choices when stressed. It is especially hard to be patient and stay consistent with our kids when we feel under pressure. While we are all likely to blow our tops occasionally, there are five steps we can take to manage our stress so we are in a better emotional place to handle the situations that trigger our unwanted reactions.

The first strategy was to make time for God. The second was to find some quiet time to do your adult thinking. Today we move on to strategy three.

The next strategy is to take care of yourself.

I find that when I take care of myself and have a clear head, I can pretty much handle what comes my way with some element of grace and style.  When I am running on five hours of sleep, have a tummy full of junk, am a couple of days past due on a shower and have my mind racing six directions at once, I get stressed out and am not smart in the way I respond to my kids.

Pregnancy changes our bodies, but after the baby arrives we often don’t pay much attention to our own physical needs. I encourage you to take some time, and if necessary, ask your spouse, one of your parents or siblings, or a friend to help you. Figure out how much sleep you actually need and what time that sleep needs to start (once your kids are sleeping through the night, of course). Relearn what foods make you feel good, recognizing that some of your old favorites might not work for you anymore. Determine how much exercise you need, and what type of exercise makes you feel energized.

Keep in mind that your kids melt down when they get tired, hungry, or cranky. So do parents, we just call it losing our patience. When we get enough sleep and eat foods that make us feel good, we are able to better manage our stress and respond to the daily challenges of parenthood in smarter ways.

Also, taking care of our bodies is a way of respecting our families and respecting God.  When we are functioning at our best, we can give our families our best.  Likewise, if we want the Holy Spirit to live happily in us, we need to give it a nice place to live.  We wouldn’t invite God over to our house if it was falling apart, we would clean it up and make it comfortable for him.  Our bodies are no different.

This is also an area where are kids are watching so we need to be aware of what we model.  Love yourself so your kids see how to do it for themselves.  Also, moms, make sure your kids see you taking time for yourself, going out with friends, pursuing hobbies, whatever you like to do.  It is ok for kids to know their moms are whole people who leave the house to go places other than Super Target and church. 

Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it is an important step in refueling yourself and managing your stress so you can give your family your best.

Fun Foods To Shake Up Sack Lunches

Hello, my faithful reader! I hope you had a great Christmas and New Years. Thanks for sticking with me while I took a holiday break from blogging.

For the next few weeks, we will talk about food, including ways to incorporate healthier foods into our diets, dealing with picky eaters, and how to make meal time fun for the whole family. Check back each week for new tips and information.

If your school-aged kids are anything like mine, you started hearing, “Can I have something other than a sandwich?” back in September. Sadly, when it comes to finding new things for sack lunches, I often come up short.

I have found a few winners, though, so I hope these help your children find their sack lunches a bit more enjoyable.

Ham Roll-Ups
Spread Neufchatel cheese (low fat cream cheese) on a slice of ham. Drizzle a little raspberry chipotle sauce over the cheese and roll up like a burrito. My favorite sauce is Buffalo Bob’s Raspberry Chipotle Dipping Sauce, sold sporadically at Vitamin Cottage or Sprouts. I’ve also used Archer Farms brand raspberry chipotle grilling sauce sold at Target. My kids eat three roll ups for lunch.

Fruit Dip
Mix cream cheese, vanilla, and cinnamon to taste. If desired, use a little orange juice or lemon juice to thin it a bit. Send an assortment of sliced apples, pears, celery, bell peppers, or other fruits and vegetable to dip.

Pasta Salad
Use a thermos to keep pasta salad cool until lunch time. You can also use a thermos to hold warm pasta like spaghetti or mac and cheese (it may not stay hot), mashed potatoes, mini-bagel pizzas or left-overs from dinner.

Rice Cakes
Top lightly salted brown rice cakes with peanut or almond butter and a drizzle of honey or agave nectar for an open-faced twist on the traditional sandwich. Send it in a hard-sided sandwich box since the peanut butter will get smooshed all over a plastic baggie.

Celery Boats
Stuff celery sticks with tuna or chicken salad. If your kids don't like celery, you can hollow out half of an apple and stuff it with the salad. You can also put the salad in a plastic cup and send celery and other veggies separately for dipping.

Make Your Own Lunchables
Cut up pieces of lunch meat and cheese so your kids can make their own sandwiches using crackers instead of bread.

If you have fun lunch ideas, please share them with us!

Teaching Older Kids The Value Of Work

Have you ever met a kid with a “what’s in it for me” attitude? Do you have one of those kids? This week’s post can help conquer that attitude with an allowance system that teaches kids the value of money, encourages them to save for a goal, and helps them learn the joy of helping.

By the time kids are eight years old (and younger kids who are mature in their understanding of money), they are ready for a new allowance system. The “all or nothing” program that keeps things simple for younger kids just doesn’t meet the developmental needs of older ones.

The allowance system for 8 – 12-year-olds is based on earning beads for helping out around the house. Start by making a list of jobs needing to be done and by getting a small jar for each child and a supply of beads. Let the kids know that when their expected jobs are completed, they are invited to do additional jobs for beads. Expected jobs are the things they got allowance for when they were younger. In my house, the kids need to take care of the dog, keep their shoes and socks put away, and keep their bedrooms and shared bathroom clean. These tasks are expected to be completed simply because they are part of keeping a nice living environment for the rest of the family and because they help us maintain the value of our home (I sometimes have to remind my daughter that her bedroom carpet can’t be vacuumed until she puts away her toys and she doesn’t make enough allowance to pay for new carpet if hers wears out because it never gets cleaned). When those things are taken care of, they can move on to paying jobs.

Each bead is worth $0.25, and most jobs are worth one bead. I break them down into reasonable bites in keeping with the $0.25 price tag. For example, vacuuming the carpeted areas on our main floor is worth one bead, vacuuming the hardwood areas of the main floor is worth one bead, and moping the hardwood on the main floor is worth one bead. However, if someone does all three of these jobs, I am likely to throw in a bonus bead, because that is a lot of work! Other jobs worth one bead are cleaning all of the mirrors in the house, cleaning the counter, sink and toilet in a bathroom, or doing the dishes. Sometimes my kids will negotiate larger payouts for larger jobs. For example, washing my car will earn someone two beads. My kids will also negotiate “package deals” by asking how many beads they can have if they pick up, dust and vacuum the family room. I am always open to negotiations, but my kids also know that I have the final say on acceptable jobs and beads awarded.

My kids also know that I will ask them to do thing just to help out and that no bead will be awarded. If I have already bagged up the trash, I may ask one of them to take the bag to the garage for free, simply because I need help. Don’t let the kids feel like they need to get paid to do anything.

Once we started this system, I was happily amazed at how my kids began helping out more even when they weren’t getting paid. I think part of the change came from realizing that they were capable of doing more than they knew. Moms can help with this by resisting the urge to criticize their children’s work. Don’t expect them to clean the same way you would. They are not as strong or as tall, so adult cleaning supplies, especially the vacuum and mop, can be difficult for them to manage. Reward them for their effort and gently teach them techniques for doing a more thorough job next time. When kids feel successful, they are more likely to try again, even without a tangible reward.

This allowance system is also great for kids who are saving their money for something specific because it gives them control over how quickly they reach their goal. My house looks like a model home the week before a school book fair because my kids are frantically trying to earn as much money as they can. My oldest daughter is saving up for a new guitar, so as soon as her homework is done she gets busy doing jobs. I can tell when my kids don’t have a goal in mind because their jars sit empty for a week or two.

I pay allowance twice a month under this system, just like a paycheck. Payday is on the 1st and the 15th of every month. This payment plan gets kids ready for the next system they will have for earning money when they are teenagers. For more on that, check in next week.

Helping Young Kids Get A Handle On Money And More

First off, I appologize for neglecting my blog for so long. Thank you for faithfully checking back and for sticking with me.

Secondly, November is Money Month, so all this month we will talk about teaching kids to manage finances through different, age-appropriate forms of allowance. If your kids aren't in the age group discussed this week, check back next week for tips for 8 - 12-year-olds or the following week for tips for teens.

Thanks again for your continued support. Now, on to this week's post...

Parents often ask me what they can do to get their kids to pick up all of the stuff they leave around the house. In addition to toys, most kids leave a trail of shoes, socks, snack wrappers, juice pouches, sporting equipment, and other odds and ends all over the place.

Between the ages of 4 and 8, it can help to start giving them an allowance. In order for kids to learn how to count money, as well as how to use it, they need to be in charge of some. I recommend giving kids this age three allowance jobs. Make sure they are easy jobs the child can do independently. For example, my children’s first allowance jobs were to feed the dog twice a day, keep their shoes and socks either on their feet or put away, and keep their rooms tidy (remember to keep your expectation of “tidy” age appropriate).

It works well to keep your system simple – if the child does all of his jobs, he gets all of his allowance. If he doesn’t do a job, he gets no allowance. It is too confusing and too much maintenance to pay different amounts of money for different jobs. I recommend paying $2.50 a week. This comes to $10 a month which is plenty of money for kids this age.

When you pay the earned money, pay it in quarters (if you pay $2.50 a week, that means the child receives a very impressive stack of 10 quarters). Then, every night after dinner, have a short time of family cleaning. In my home, we simply call it “15 minutes.” For 15 minutes, everyone works at picking up the debris that accumulated around the house during the day, while I clean up dinner. On Sundays, after 15 minutes is up, I walk around the main living area of the house (not the kids’ bedrooms) and pick up anything left out. The items I collect go into a bag, where they stay for one week. The kids must purchase their things out of the bag the following Sunday for $0.25 per item (this is why you pay allowance in quarters). If they need something before the week is up (like their shoes) they may buy things early for $0.50 each. All items must be purchased from the bag by the end of the week and must be put away once purchased.

This system encourages kids to do their allowance jobs and keep their things put away. You can have your child use a chart to keep track of his work if you want to, although at this age it is generally easy to see if the work is completed or not. If you do use a chart, Target stores carry a cute magnetic one that has many common jobs already listed on moveable magnets, along with blank magnets so you can make up your own tasks.

If you have a great idea for encouraging your kids to pick up after themselves or for handling allowance, share it with us by commenting on this post.

Next month we will talk about handling allowance for 8 – 12-year-olds.

Wisdom in the Every Day

But wisdom is proved right by all her children." - Luke 7:35

A heavy, work-related decision for my husband has us both asking God for an increased measure of wisdom. Requests for insight, discernment and sound judgment fill our prayer times as we wait for God to give us direction.

I can’t help but notice that I tend to ask for wisdom when facing big decisions. However, as a mom, I make millions of little decisions every day that also require wisdom. Deciding on how to get nutrients into my kids’ mouths most efficiently and with the least amount of mess requires wisdom (and creativity). Leading my kids through their daily homework with a positive attitude takes wisdom (and patience). Deciding which friendships to encourage and which one to keep quiet about uses wisdom (and discernment).

I want to remember to ask God to be my guide in every aspect of my life, even the mundane, every day actions like making dinner. With an extra dose of His wisdom, I know I can do a better job taking care of my family.

In what areas of life do you need His wisdom?

Cheering For The Home Team

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:11

This week, my daughters started a cheerleading class. Once a week they go to learn different cheers, jumps, and tumbling techniques. They love getting to shout, sing, and root for an imaginary team.

I hope they feel well-equipped for this because they’ve always had a cheerleader at home. I make a purposeful effort to let them know I think they are the best. We celebrate their victories and rejoice in their efforts.

Everyone needs to know there is a cheerleader in their corner rooting for them no matter the challenge or the outcome.

One way we show support in our family is with the “candle of honor.” When someone makes a meaningful accomplishment, he or she gets a special candle at their place at the dinner table. Share some ways you cheer on your family members with love.