Managing Stress Part 1 - Making Time for God

No one makes great choices when stressed. It is especially hard to be patient and stay consistent with our kids when we feel under pressure. While we are all likely to blow our tops occasionally, there are five steps we can take to manage our stress so we are in a better emotional place to handle the situations that trigger our unwanted reactions.

The first one is to Make Time For God

When I am stressed I tend to fly off the handle, but when I am at peace I roll with the punches much more easily.  When I ask God for help in this area, He answers.

One way He answers me is by helping me make time for Him.  Somehow when I take time to consciously be in the presence of my Lord I get the same number of items crossed off my “to do” list as when I just get out of bed and get straight to work, but I am less harried about it.  I feel more peaceful and more patient.  I do a better job of making time for my husband and my children when I first make time for God.  

Each of us needs to be spending time in the Bible and time in prayer every day.  I know that is SO hard with little kids.  I go through periods where I really struggle with it myself.  But I promise you that if you make it a priority God will bless you and He will help you make the time. 

Next time we will talk about the second strategy for managing stress—finding some quiet time to do our “adult thinking.”

Celebrating YOU!

“They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.” - Psalm 145:7

I am a day late in posting to my blog because yesterday was overrun with Valentine’s Day celebrations. My kids don’t have school today, so they both had class parties yesterday. My hubby and I honored the day of love with a dinner out last night because on the real Valentine’s Day I will be selling Girl Scout cookies with my daughter at Safeway (and people say romance is dead).

In the midst of the festivities, it occurred to me that we recognize every holiday, achievement, and milestone for our kids, while not taking the time to celebrate our own accomplishments. I have never done anything to commemorate the publishing of a story, article, or even my book. I didn’t go out or raise a toast after my first speaking engagement, or when I completed my parent coaching certification. My personal growth gets stirred in with the carpooling kids, making dinner, and checking homework of daily life. I don’t do anything to take my special moments and set them apart. Perhaps you don't celebrate your success either.

This is a mistake in several ways. First of all, everyone deserves recognition. Occasionally hearing “atta girl” is good for our self esteem. It is healthy to have someone recognize our efforts once in a while. Secondly, it is good for our kids to celebrate us. They need to understand that moms are whole people who contribute more to the world than macaroni lunches and rides to soccer practice. Letting them learn how to be proud of other people, and how to express that pride, is a great skill for them to have when they have spouses and children (and employees or coworkers) of their own. Thirdly, letting our spouses see us in a different light can be good for kindling a little romance. When we celebrate, we typically trade in our everyday garb for something a bit more special. We often put more effort into our hair and make-up. And what celebration is complete without wine and chocolate? After the kids go to bed, let your hubby spend a little time showing you just how great you really are.

Most importantly, when we celebrate, we can make a point of publicly (even if our family is the only “public” there) acknowledging our gratitude to God for using us in meaningful ways. 2 Corinthians 9:8 tells us, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” Our ability to accomplish the things that are important to us comes from God. We must always remember that and give Him thanks. When we start thinking our good work is ours alone, we wade into dangerous waters.

Remember, mom, you are important and your accomplishments (even little ones) are cause for celebration. Go get the party started! I have a big speaking engagement coming up next week. I think I’ll go put a bottle of wine in the fridge for the festivities.

At Risk

“The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.” - Ecclesiastes 9:11

Seat belts. Helmets. Hand sanitizer. Our days fill up with efforts to minimize our risk related to the various dangers of life. Most of our attempts at safety are for the best. After all, no one wants to spend the day in the emergency room. But at what point do we take caution too far?

Perhaps more importantly, what are we teaching our children about fear?

How do we instill an understanding of the need for reasonable precautions while encouraging our kids to take appropriate risks? We don’t want our kids growing up afraid to take a chance on a friendship, on the sporting field, or in the classroom. What would childhood be like if we were all too afraid to ever get on a bicycle or climb a tree? What would our adult lives look like if we had been too afraid as teenagers to try driving, or dating, or auditioning for the school play?

We tend to grow the most through the experiences that challenge us. Likewise, experts say that self esteem is built not through the praise of others, but by proving to ourselves that we can succeed at the things we find difficult. In order to do this, we need to take a chance and try the things that challenge us, and so do our kids.

One of my favorite Bible verses is 2 Timothy 1:7. It says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” What can you do to encourage your child to develop the spirit God gave her? Does she need encouragement to try something new? Does she need the opportunity to practice a budding skill until it finally blossoms? Is she yearning for the chance to stretch a little too far without fearing that you will call her back too soon?

If letting go is difficult, ask God to show you areas where you can comfortably let your child take a greater risk. Also ask Him where you can go out on a limb yourself. Sometimes the best way to encourage our kids to take a scary step is by taking it ourselves.

What can you do this week to teach your child to be bold rather than fearful?