Take Active Steps to Manage Stress Part 5 – Know What is Important

No one makes great choices when stressed. It is especially hard to be patient and stay consistent with our kids when we feel under pressure. While we are all likely to blow our tops occasionally, there are five steps we can take to manage our stress so we are in a better emotional place to handle the situations that trigger our unwanted reactions.

The first strategy was to make time for God. The second was to find some quiet, uninterrupted time to do your adult thinking. The third was to take care of your physical needs. The fourth was to use tools to help you manage your time and your day. Today we finish talking about stress management.

The fifth strategy is to know what is important.

I once heard a personal coach say, “What is truly important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom truly important.”  How true that is! 

Take some time to really consider your values. What is most important to you? What do you most want your kids to know before they leave your home as adults? What makes you fulfilled? There is no right or wrong answer as long as you figure out what is important to you and don’t let the urgencies of parenthood stop you from living in accordance with your values. 

Make sure that every day you do one thing that supports your values. It doesn’t need to be something big, just an action that lets you feel like you did something meaningful during the day. Perhaps you prayed with your child, or read a story about kindness, or picked up a few pieces of trash at the park.

At the end of the day, you want to be able to say, “I did a bunch of dishes and laundry. I changed a lot of diapers. I listened to a load of whining and had to discipline more than I hoped. However, I also did something that really mattered to me on a different level.” Doing something meaningful helps fight feelings of stress and gives you more patience.

When you do a better job of managing stress you keep your mind clear and can better use your Smarter Parenting strategies.

Learn more Smarter Parenting strategies in the teleclass. Find out more at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com and click on Parent Coaching.

Take Active Steps to Manage Stress Part 4 – Use Tools to Manage Your Day

No one makes great choices when stressed. It is especially hard to be patient and stay consistent with our kids when we feel under pressure. While we are all likely to blow our tops occasionally, there are five steps we can take to manage our stress so we are in a better emotional place to handle the situations that trigger our unwanted reactions.

Strategy 4 is to use tools to manage our days more effectively.

When my mind is on one hundred things at a time, I can’t focus on anything.  I spend my time working on a little bit of everything, leaving a day’s work that reveals no visible results.  I end up tired and frustrated because despite all my hard work I have nothing to show for it. 

I realize it sound tedious if you are not a list maker, but keeping a “to do” list really does help.  When I know that phone call I need to make is on my list I can finish the task at hand without worrying I’ll forget about it.  When laundry is on the list I know I will get to it and I don’t have to start a load just because I’m reminded it needs to be done.  The list is my memory and all I need to remember is to write things down and finish what I’ve started before moving on to the next item. This allows me to actually be productive and to see some real results rather than just working all day without accomplishing anything.

For some people it works to write down everything needing to be done, for others it helps to write a shorter, modified list that includes only the top five things you need to do.  Or maybe you just list the little projects that keep slipping through the cracks.  Experiment and use the type of list that makes you feel in control of your day. The sort of list you use may change with time, but if your list is stressing you out then it is the wrong type.

Another list I find helpful relates to my least favorite question of the day, “What’s for dinner?”  You can answer this by planning your meals in advance. Whether you go to one of those places where you assemble a bunch of dishes to put in your freezer, cook in advance at home to fill your freezer, use a meal planning website such as relishrelish.com, or simply work out a list of meals to make for the week, you will find that knowing what you will make in advance is a big stress reliever.

Knowing what you are going to cook also helps you make a grocery list. Never take your children to the grocery store unless you have your list with you. Know what you need, and grab it. Do not take the time to read labels or compare prices when shopping with your kids. Get what you know works and move on. Find a time when the kids are with dad or at school to do your real shopping.

To learn about more tools to help you feel in control of your time and your day, register for the Smarter Parenting Teleclass at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com.

Take Active Steps To Manage Stress Part 3 – Take Care of Yourself

No one makes great choices when stressed. It is especially hard to be patient and stay consistent with our kids when we feel under pressure. While we are all likely to blow our tops occasionally, there are five steps we can take to manage our stress so we are in a better emotional place to handle the situations that trigger our unwanted reactions.

The first strategy was to make time for God. The second was to find some quiet time to do your adult thinking. Today we move on to strategy three.

The next strategy is to take care of yourself.

I find that when I take care of myself and have a clear head, I can pretty much handle what comes my way with some element of grace and style.  When I am running on five hours of sleep, have a tummy full of junk, am a couple of days past due on a shower and have my mind racing six directions at once, I get stressed out and am not smart in the way I respond to my kids.

Pregnancy changes our bodies, but after the baby arrives we often don’t pay much attention to our own physical needs. I encourage you to take some time, and if necessary, ask your spouse, one of your parents or siblings, or a friend to help you. Figure out how much sleep you actually need and what time that sleep needs to start (once your kids are sleeping through the night, of course). Relearn what foods make you feel good, recognizing that some of your old favorites might not work for you anymore. Determine how much exercise you need, and what type of exercise makes you feel energized.

Keep in mind that your kids melt down when they get tired, hungry, or cranky. So do parents, we just call it losing our patience. When we get enough sleep and eat foods that make us feel good, we are able to better manage our stress and respond to the daily challenges of parenthood in smarter ways.

Also, taking care of our bodies is a way of respecting our families and respecting God.  When we are functioning at our best, we can give our families our best.  Likewise, if we want the Holy Spirit to live happily in us, we need to give it a nice place to live.  We wouldn’t invite God over to our house if it was falling apart, we would clean it up and make it comfortable for him.  Our bodies are no different.

This is also an area where are kids are watching so we need to be aware of what we model.  Love yourself so your kids see how to do it for themselves.  Also, moms, make sure your kids see you taking time for yourself, going out with friends, pursuing hobbies, whatever you like to do.  It is ok for kids to know their moms are whole people who leave the house to go places other than Super Target and church. 

Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it is an important step in refueling yourself and managing your stress so you can give your family your best.

Take active steps to manage stress – Find Some Quiet

No one makes great choices when stressed. It is especially hard to be patient and stay consistent with our kids when we feel under pressure. While we are all likely to blow our tops occasionally, there are five steps we can take to manage our stress so we are in a better emotional place to handle the situations that trigger our unwanted reactions.

Last time we talked about making time for God.

The second strategy for managing stress is to find some quiet time to do your “adult thinking.” 

All adults have things they need to mentally process and work they need to accomplish without interruption. It could be work for a job, it could be a hobby you are passionate about, it could be balancing the checkbook or making a family budget for the month, it doesn’t matter. We all have things we can’t do when the kids are around talking to us and needing us to take care of things. 

But when we don’t get this work done, it starts to irritate us. It almost begins to take on weight as we mentally mull it over and worry about when it will get done. And when our brains are busy worrying about this work, we get stressed and we don’t think clearly about the tones of voice we use, our word choices, or our attitudes. When I have something that requires uninterrupted thought, I have found that the only time I can do it is when the rest of my family is asleep.  For me that is first thing in the morning before everyone is awake, for you that might be after everyone else has gone to bed for the night.

Do not waste this time doing work you can do with the kids. This is not the time to clean the house or update your facebook status. Use this time wisely so you can clear your head and keep your stress level under control.

Learn how to make the most of this time, how it can benefit your family, and what to do when your kids interrupt it with the Smarter Parenting Teleclass. Get more information at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com and click on Parent Coaching.

Managing Stress Part 1 - Making Time for God

No one makes great choices when stressed. It is especially hard to be patient and stay consistent with our kids when we feel under pressure. While we are all likely to blow our tops occasionally, there are five steps we can take to manage our stress so we are in a better emotional place to handle the situations that trigger our unwanted reactions.

The first one is to Make Time For God

When I am stressed I tend to fly off the handle, but when I am at peace I roll with the punches much more easily.  When I ask God for help in this area, He answers.

One way He answers me is by helping me make time for Him.  Somehow when I take time to consciously be in the presence of my Lord I get the same number of items crossed off my “to do” list as when I just get out of bed and get straight to work, but I am less harried about it.  I feel more peaceful and more patient.  I do a better job of making time for my husband and my children when I first make time for God.  

Each of us needs to be spending time in the Bible and time in prayer every day.  I know that is SO hard with little kids.  I go through periods where I really struggle with it myself.  But I promise you that if you make it a priority God will bless you and He will help you make the time. 

Next time we will talk about the second strategy for managing stress—finding some quiet time to do our “adult thinking.”