Whether it is dealing
with picky eaters, kids who won’t sit still, spilled food at every meal, or
some other issue, most moms have a challenge on their hands at meal time. I
have never heard of a family in which everyone liked the same foods, or in
which all family members were hungry at the same time. It is also very common for
mom and dad to disagree on meal time rules, such as how much children need to eat
or what qualifies as appropriate table behavior.
The strategies we will
talk about here are based on the assumption that your children are healthy and
are growing at a reasonable rate. If that is not the case, disregard this post
and make a meal time plan with your pediatrician and/or nutritionist.
A pre-meal time routine
is a great way to signal to your family that it is time to start shifting gears
in order to prepare to eat, especially at dinner. Five or ten minutes before
the meal will be served, call the kids in to wash their hands and set the
table. They can start helping at around 18 months of age by putting out the napkins.
Don’t look for perfection, just participation. Older kids can set out silverware
or get drinks.
Once the table is
ready, ask the kids to sit down and talk with you while you get everything plated.
This keeps them from getting underfoot and gives them a few minutes to settle
in and prepare to sit through the meal. Young kids often don’t eat much, so they
may finish their meals in only a few minutes. This routine gives you a little
extra time to bond as a family.
No healthy child will
allow himself to starve to death. Given this truth, consider what your priority
is for each meal. In my family, I hope to physically nourish my children with
food at breakfast and lunch. At dinner I want to nourish family relationships.
Dinner is the only meal my kids have with their father, so spending meaningful
time with him discussing the day is more important than what they eat.
If the kids misbehave
at the table, they get one warning. If the behavior continues, they go to time
out. This is not a big deal if you use the time out system effectively throughout
the day. If they don’t, you will probably have an unpleasant meal as your food
gets cold while you repeatedly re-deliver your child to the time out spot
(without talking, of course). Remember that discipline is an investment, and a
few lousy meals are an acceptable price to pay for the long-term benefits of
teaching your child how to behave.
If a child tries at
least one bite of everything on the plate, and eats half or more of what you
provided then says he is full, that counts as eating a meal. Remember that a
healthy child will not allow himself to starve, so it is okay if he doesn’t eat
a meal. However, we don’t want him developing the habit of snacking between
meals instead. Tell a child who doesn’t want his dinner that it is perfectly
fine for him to get down from the table, but that he will not get any more food
until breakfast tomorrow morning. When he starts crying about being hungry in
an hour or two, don’t give in. Simply remind him that he chose to wait until the next meal, and remind yourself that he
will not starve. Feel free to offer him a glass of water instead of a snack.
Next time we will talk
about what to do when your child is hungry but doesn’t like what you’ve
prepared.
Is meal time pleasant
in your home? If so, what makes it that way? If not, why?
