Choices Are Like Votes

Happy Election Day! My favorite part of this day is knowing that tomorrow I won't have to watch any campaign commercials and no pollsters or political action groups will call during dinner. I will have at least a week off before the hubbub of the next campaign season begins again.

However, we never really get a break from voting, because every choice we make is essentially a vote. I am constantly bombarded with options, and I make selections. I may not do it with a ballot, but my actions make known what I believe in and what/who I support on a daily basis.

There are things we all do regularly to live out this "vote," and we call these actions traditions. Some are daily rituals and others mark special occasions, but our traditions often tend to say, "This is something I value - it is important to me."

We are quickly moving into prime tradition season, since most of us celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve/Day in similar ways every year. So I ask you, what traditions do you like? Which ones do you dislike? What do you want to change about your traditions? How can you change traditions? What do your traditions say about your values?

If you get my newsletter, Monthly Answers for Moms, we've already explored some of these questions together. I can't wait to hear your thoughts as you comment here. If you don't get the newsletter, send your name and e-mail address through the Keep In Touch page at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com and I'll make sure you start receiving it.

I'm looking forward to hearing about your traditions!

Pick Your Battles

Last time we talked about giving kids choices. Sometimes we can get overwhelmed by the volume of choices we make in a day and it can be hard to decide which to hand over to our kids, which to make ourselves, and when to hold firm to our decisions when our kids want something different. We call this “picking our battles” because it just isn’t practical, fun, or relationship-building to argue over everything.

If we question everything our children do we will be in constant conflict. We want our kids to develop the ability to think, to assess situations, and to make appropriate decisions based on those assessments. This takes lots and lots of practice, trial and error, and the experience of making mistakes and learning from them. Let your children fail so they can learn from those encounters. It is one of the hardest things for parents to do, and it is one of the most educational for kids.

Take a few minutes to think about your values and your vision for your family. What is truly important to you? When your children are grown and they leave your home, what character traits do you want firmly planted in them? These will help you pick your battles. If your child makes a decision that conflicts with one of your core values, you will definitely want to address it. If he makes a choice that you don’t care for but it doesn’t impact his values, you can often let his choice stand.

Smarter parents give their children the opportunity to make smart choices, then pick their battles, focusing on the issues related to their values.

Do you feel like you can evaluate situations well in order to pick your battles wisely?

Learn more about picking your battles in a Smarter Parenting teleclass. Go to www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com today to get details and register.

Take Active Steps to Manage Stress Part 5 – Know What is Important

No one makes great choices when stressed. It is especially hard to be patient and stay consistent with our kids when we feel under pressure. While we are all likely to blow our tops occasionally, there are five steps we can take to manage our stress so we are in a better emotional place to handle the situations that trigger our unwanted reactions.

The first strategy was to make time for God. The second was to find some quiet, uninterrupted time to do your adult thinking. The third was to take care of your physical needs. The fourth was to use tools to help you manage your time and your day. Today we finish talking about stress management.

The fifth strategy is to know what is important.

I once heard a personal coach say, “What is truly important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom truly important.”  How true that is! 

Take some time to really consider your values. What is most important to you? What do you most want your kids to know before they leave your home as adults? What makes you fulfilled? There is no right or wrong answer as long as you figure out what is important to you and don’t let the urgencies of parenthood stop you from living in accordance with your values. 

Make sure that every day you do one thing that supports your values. It doesn’t need to be something big, just an action that lets you feel like you did something meaningful during the day. Perhaps you prayed with your child, or read a story about kindness, or picked up a few pieces of trash at the park.

At the end of the day, you want to be able to say, “I did a bunch of dishes and laundry. I changed a lot of diapers. I listened to a load of whining and had to discipline more than I hoped. However, I also did something that really mattered to me on a different level.” Doing something meaningful helps fight feelings of stress and gives you more patience.

When you do a better job of managing stress you keep your mind clear and can better use your Smarter Parenting strategies.

Learn more Smarter Parenting strategies in the teleclass. Find out more at www.MotheringLikeTheFather.com and click on Parent Coaching.